Men and women

What women want in a relationship:
A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.
What women get:
A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.

What men want in a woman:
A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flag pole.
What men get:
Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra lbs. the moment after she says "I Do", beginning with the wedding cake!

What women want in bed:
A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience together.
What they get:
"Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What men expect out of a marriage:
3 loving children who honor their parents.
What they get:
3 hellions who are a combination of their parents every fault and make their life a living hell.

1st anniversary card from husband to wife:
My sweet loving wife....I hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart and soul, I am forever yours.

5th anniversary card:
I love you so much honey...words cannot describe.

10th anniversary card:
Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!

15th anniversary card:
Ummmmmmmmm....'sup?

16th anniversary card from wife to husband:
You are hereby summoned to divorce proceedings...