Dysfunctional family expressions

Many of the expressions used in dysfunctional families are similar to those used in normal families except in the case of dysfunctional families, the communicator just makes it come out wrong, right? Here are just a few examples:

THE GREETING
Normal Family: Hi, it's great to see you!
Dysfunctional Family: Well, you're finally here -- we about gave up on you. Weren't you supposed to be here about half an hour ago?

THE INQUIRY
Normal Family: How have you been?
Dysfunctional Family: Well, are you still at that same LITTLE job? Do you still have that same LITTLE house?

THE COMPLIMENTS
Normal Family: Nice car you've got there.
Dysfunctional Family: Is THAT your new car? How much did you have to pay for that thing?
Normal Family: This dessert you brought is delicious.
Dysfunctional Family: This dessert is pretty good. (Phrased in disbelief) Did YOU make it?
Normal Family: You look well.
Dysfunctional Family: Have you put on some weight? I hardly recognized you.
Normal Family: I like your outfit.
Dysfunctional Family: Is that a new outfit? I bet you got it on sale, didn't you?

THE CLARIFICATION (about anything)
Normal Family: Could you explain that a little better? I'm not sure I understand.
Dysfunctional Family: What did you mean by that? (Very suspiciously) What was that remark supposed to mean?

ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN
Normal Family: How have the children been?
Dysfunctional Family: Have your kids done anything constructive lately?
Normal Family: The children are really growing.
Dysfunctional Family: That one's hair is too long and that one there --she thinks she's pretty smart, doesn't she? Don't let them touch anything, they'll ruin it.

FUTURE PLANS
Normal Family: Let's get together again soon.
Dysfunctional Family: Well see you in six months (if we don't have anything better to do.)

THE PARTING
Normal Family: We'll be in touch.
Dysfunctional Family: Why don't you ever call? We don't understand why we don't hear from you more often.