Addicted to Viagra

The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor filed a lawsuit against Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, saying the drug has left him impotent. Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 59, claims he can no longer become aroused without the drug, and it's driven 83-year-old Zsa Zsa to seek therapy. 'But Chris,' you say, 'How do I know if *I'm* addicted to Viagra? What are the warning signs?' Glad you asked...

13> You're constantly spinning around to true north.

12> The State of Mississippi recently named you Public Enemy #1.

11> You make sure to schwing by the drugstore before every hot date.

10> Bob Dole's dinner invitation turns out to be just another intervention attempt.

9> You get aroused just talking about the monkey on your back.

8> After 12 eye-poking incidents this week alone, the driver no longer lets you ride the bus standing up.

7> The good news: You finally found some comfortable pants! The bad news: You bought them at M.C. Hammer's tag sale.

6> You frantically claw through your kid's box of Lucky Charms looking for blue diamonds.

5> The site of a naked 83-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor actually turns you on.

4> Not even Rolling Stone can airbrush away the tent in *your* pants.

3> The Chicago White Sox were still in the playoffs the last time you peed.

2> In the dark, your scrotum glows like a charcoal briquette. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Addicted to Viagra...

1> You haven't even entered the voting booth yet and you've already punched holes for Bush, Gore, Buchanan and Nader.