I don't know how we get into these fights

I don't know how we get into these fights.
After them I look back at the ashes
More shocked than hurt, as when a light plane crashes,
Slanting numb through strange, unearthly lights.
Oh, how I wish I could get off that plane
Rushing to its rendezvous with tears!
Rage is but a mask for my shy fears.
Yet I would die before I caused you pain.